MAYBE. . .

WOW IT IS ONLY 9:30 IN THE MORNING AND IT HAS ALREADY BEEN AHORRIBLE DAY. I HAVE GIVEN UP ON ALOT ALREADY TODAY. IT AMAZES ME HOW IN SECONDS YOUR LIFE CAN CHANGE. I HAVE DECIDED I AM A NEGATIVE PERSON AND THAT I WILL NOT MAKE OTHERS DEAL WITH ME ANYMORE. I AM HERE IF SOMEONE NEEDS ME BUT I WON'T SEEK PEOPLE OUT.

MAYBE THE PROBLEM IS I NEED TO HEAL ME BEFORE I CANBE POSITIVE. BUT WHO KNOWS IF I EVER COULD BE HAPPY. MAYBE THE TRAMA OF MY PAST IS TO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE. MAYBE HOW I AM IS IN MY DNA AND IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN THERE IS NO WAY FOR ME TO CHANGE IT. OR MAYBE I AM JUST BI-POLAR AND MEDICATION WILL HELP ME (BUT I WILL NOT TAKE THEM. SO THAT ISN'T AN OPTION). MAYBE ME BEING CRAZY IS THE REASON ALOT OF PEOPLE CAN'T STAND ME. MAYBE THIS IS WHY MY OWN FAMILY DOESN'T EVEN LIKE ME. THIS IS ALOT TO PONDER SO EARLY IN THE MORNING.

I WILL FINISH THIS POST LATER ON. . . NEED MORE TIME TO FIGURE OUT MY OWN THOUGHTS AND PUT THEM TOGETHER.